life: super powers not included

In honor of Friday, I have used this website to translate my post into 12-year-old:

CH3K OUT THES VIEDO OF A BABY PANDA SNEZNG!1111!!1 OMG WTF LOL (BUT UM DON’T DO IT AT WORK SINCE TAHT’S ONCE FEIRC3—AND LOUD—SNEZ3)!1!!1 OMG LOL PAY PARTICULAR ATENTION 2 TEH MMA BAR’S REACTION!

O!1!111!! WTF LOL AND CLIK HARE FOR A FUNY TAEK ON HOMELAND S3CURITY GUIEDLIENS.

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FINALY!111!1!1 OMG LOL CHEK OUT THES AEWSOM3 SALAD RECIEP!1!1!1! ITS FOR AN APLE AND F3NEL SALAD!111!!!

HAEV A GOD WEK3ND GUYS!1111!1

*And that is why you should be happy I’m 28.

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So The Man and I are on this insane schedule where we don’t make it to bed until 1 a.m. It’s not that I’m tired at night—I could go till 3, really—but mornings suck even more than normal.

I’m convinced I would be five times more productive if I woke up at 11 a.m. and went to bed at 3. The most annoying part about it is that I’m most awake between 9 p.m. and 1 a.m.

Thank goodness for weekends.

Anyway, I wanted to share a cool grocery app* with you. As you know, The Man does all of our grocery shopping. The app’s particularly useful to us, but it’d be just as helpful for humans who can function on their own.

It’s called Grocery IQ, and it’s available on the iPhone/iPad and Android** phones. You can add foods to the list as you think of them or you can go online and add them at once.

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Why I like it

1. It divides your list into categories (produce, grains, etc.) so you can check all of your items off at once.
2. You can create multiple lists. For instance, if you get your produce at Whole Foods but dry goods at Trader Joe’s or Costco, you can keep your lists separate.
3. You can add a quantity and descriptions, like “jar” or “box.”
4. When you search for an item to add, suggestions automatically pop up.
5. When you check an item off of your list, it doesn’t disappear forever. The app keeps your purchase history so you can re-add and item with one click.
6. You can share the list (obviously I share mine with The Man).

Things that sounds cool that I don’t use

1. Apparently you can scan bar codes to automatically add products to your list.
2. Free coupons—I need to check this out.

Oh, and did I mention it’s free?

How do you organize your grocery list? Or do you use one at all?

*The Man will want me to point out that he found the app, not me. Credit has been given where it’s due.

**I always type this as Andriod. It’s like my fingers are protesting the spelling of droid.

Now that I’m on a cow’s milk- and gluten-free vegan diet my meals are a little less exciting. (Yeah, I’m still in that stage where I fantasize about pizza and tacos and spaghetti with marinara from this Italian place nearby.) So, naturally, I deal with it by eating a few favorite ingredients with every meal.

Here’s what I’m addicted to:

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Sprouts
Not that I didn’t love them before, but now they’re almost essential. I throw them in salads (which I eat nonstop), rice bowls, stir-frys, and—my latest favorite—in a corn quesadilla with goat cheese.

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Red pepper hummus
So there’s this medicine I take that possibly tastes worse than gasoline. I can’t be certain seeing as I generally avoid ingesting gasoline, but if I had to guess, the gasoline would win. It’s thick like finger paint, bright yellow (also like finger paint) and oily so it coats my tongue and the roof of my mouth. I follow every dose with something dipped in roasted red pepper hummus. Not only is it super flavorful, but the heat burns away the taste.

It’s also delicious if you’re not taking nasty medications.

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Potatoes
I’m eating grains like rice and quinoa but sometimes I’m in the mood for heavier carbs. Enter potatoes. I’ve been eating them pretty much every way possible: baked and topped with broccoli and goat cheddar or guacamole, roasted with salt and rosemary, and smashed in a skillet and cooked with chili powder until crispy.

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Beans
Maybe it’s because I’m trying to give substance to my meals, but I’ve been adding beans to pretty much everything. My favorite has to be roasted chickpeas with salt and pepper. It’s the perfect snack.

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Kombucha
I’ll admit I was skeptical at first. I tried it once while Synergy was off the market (due to the fact that drinking it was a legal way for minors to get hammered) and thought it was just OK. But then Synergy relauched its new, way-less-alcohol version and I gave it a shot. My first impression of the cranberry kombucha?

Meh.

I kept drinking it, though, and after six sips I was hooked. You should know that A. I love vinegar so a slightly vinegary, highly acidic drink is right up my alley and B. the mango version is a better intro to kombucha. (I’m still waiting to find the guava flavor.)

I’m not sure if I believe all of the health claims but here’s the deal: I cut caffeine and added sugars from my diet, which means the only flavored drink I can have is decaffeinated iced tea or kombucha.

Here’s what I’m not addicted to:

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Nut butters of any form*
Sometimes I think I’m going insane—and I very well may be; you’ll have to let me know—because every healthy living blogger I come across has a serious addiction to nut butter. It doesn’t seem to matter what kind, though judging from the number of peanut butter jars used as vessels for oatmeal I’m guessing that type tops the list.

I realize nut butter of some kind would be a nice addition to my new diet. And I’m all about eating some celery with peanut butter here and there. But that’s about as far as I’ll go. I’m just … not … into it.

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You reserve the right to unfollow my blog for that comment. I’m bracing myself.

What are you addicted to these days?

*Unless you count Nutella, which I don’t. Yes, it’s made from hazelnuts but it’s also loaded with chocolate and awesomesauce.

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Dear Earth,

What’s the hurry? Let me fill you in on a little something: When you’re done rotating, you’re going to start all over again.

Here’s the deal: You’re spinning on that axis just a bit too fast. We’re overworked and stressed and could really use, say, 48 hours per day. Cut your rotation speed in half and we’ll all be happy.

Kapiche?

Sincerely,
The Humans

p.s. Thanks for the longer days.

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Dear Boxes,

It was nice having you around for a while. I loved the way you made my apartment feel small and (as they say on Craigslist) cozy. My life was filled with constant mystery—what will I find in you today? As much fun as it’s been, I need a break.

It’s not me, it’s you.

Please unpack yourselves and proceed to recycling.

Sincerely,
Your Landlord

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Dear Fox,

I know what you’re up to and I don’t like it. The last time I got hooked on one of your sci-fi shows, you moved it to Friday. Before I could say “season finale” you yanked it off the air. Not cool. If you end Fringe, I’m going to beat you up.

And, yeah, I know you renewed the for another season, but don’t think that’ll fool us. It’s in the Friday night death slot and loyal viewers won’t rest until it’s safely returned to Thursday.

Don’t take out your we-shoulda-ended-24-two-seasons-earlier frustration on poor Fringe.

Sincerely,
IheartWalterBishop_706

Dear Hedi Swanson,

Your book is lovely. I’m drooling over the photos as we speak. (No, it’s not getting on the pages. What do you take me for? An animal?) The recipes sound delicious.

But.

I’d much prefer if you came to live with me and cooked for me. I promise I’m really nice and my couch is super comfortable.

Sincerely,
Hungry Tracey

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Dear Tracey,

Putting a thick layer of lotion on your feet and then walking on the hardwood floor is a bad idea. Don’t do it again.

Sincerely,
You

Anything you need to get off your chest?

Hey guys. How was your weekend?

I spent a good part of Saturday helping The Man unpack, which was pretty awesome since I flared the entire way through last week.

Remember when I went on that restrictive diet to see if it helped my feet? And then I got pissed off when my feet flared nonstop for two days? And then I ate Moe’s tacos three times in a week? It wasn’t pretty.

Well, I’ve started to suspect the weeks when I barely get a break between flares has something to do with hormones. That’s why one week every month my feet freak out. That might have been the reason my EM went crazy despite the diet.

So it’s back on. I’ve been following a gluten-free, sugar-free vegan diet for over a week. (Although it’s not strictly vegan since I’m eating goat’s or sheep’s milk cheese.) I’m not sure if it’s soon enough to notice changes, but I plan to continue this time. I’ll let you know if it works.

Anyhow, the diet is the reason I made lettuce wraps for dinner instead of, say, pizza. Or a burger. I have to say, though, these were really good. Here’s how you make them. (Forgive the iPhone photos. I know they’re terrible.)

Right so, start with the fillings:

Carrot ribbons (you can grate the carrot instead—I was just too lazy), paper-thin radish and avocado slices, and grated goat cheddar (though regular cheddar would be just as good).

And roasted asparagus.

I also cooked some brown rice to add to the veggies. It made each wrap more filling. And Instead of drizzling the wraps with a vinaigrette dressing, I tossed the rice in it before loading up each leaf. Here’s how you make it:

Lettuce Wraps With Veggies and Rice
I made enough for my wraps and then some for The Man.

Wraps
2 carrots, shredded or shaved
4 small radishes, sliced thin
½ avocado, sliced thin
12 asparagus spears, roasted and cut into 1-inch spears
4 lettuce leaves
Grated cheddar cheese
1 cup brown rice

Dressing
1 ½ tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
1 teaspoon whole grain mustard (you can use Dijon, too. I skipped it because it had sugar.)

Pour dressing over brown rice. Toss. Fill each leaf with a spoonful of rice. Top with cheese. Layer avocado and radish slices, carrot, and asparagus. Roll and eat.

Aside from the fact that these are messy, I loved them. And you can pretty much fill them with whatever veggie or grain you’d like.

What’s your favorite vegetarian or vegan meal? (Can you tell I’m using you to get dinner ideas?)

Are you guilty? From time to time, I am.

First of all, you guys blow me away with your kindness. Thank you so much for your comments on yesterday’s post. I have the best readers ever.

To say thanks, I baked you brownies. Or, um, Charlie McDonald did:

Second, I was browsing for new and interesting studies yesterday and came across one that found working long hours is linked to heart disease. (Work more than 11 hours a day and your risk goes up by 67 percent compared to people who work less than you, possibly because of lack of exercise, a worse diet, added stress, and less sleep.)

This caught my eye because, at a time when we can get our work emails on our phones and are plugged in nonstop, I wonder whether working fewer than 11 hours is even the norm anymore. I know most days I work about nine or 10, but there are times when I’m on deadline and at it for more than 11. (Who was it that said my life was interesting? Yes, you can have a takeback.)

And that’s not counting recreational work. After my real job ends I’m at the computer working on two blogs or my book. True, I do these things because I enjoy them, but I’m not sure that counts.

What about you? How many hours a day do you spend working? And do you find you’re still working (responding to emails, taking work home, blogging, etc.) after you’re off work?

It’s 66 degrees in here. The fan’s on high so I can sleep through the night.

I wake up.

My feet cool and I lower the fan to level two. My forehead goes numb.

You can’t drink water like that.

But you can work.

My feet stop flaring and I scream Hallelujah and turn the fan off. It’s still cold in here.

Eating requires unbuttoning.

My hand gets hot.

So I elevate it. And whine.

Only I need to work. So I type. And it flares. I pout.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Speaking of sleeping through the night in my frigid room, which are you better able to fall asleep in: a warm room or a cool one?

*I have no idea why these photos aren’t clear. I think my room was too dark, but I was burning so I couldn’t get up to turn on another light.

*The red on my hand is the flare.

Hope you guys found yesterday’s post interesting. I love seeing what makes people read (and keep reading) blogs. So thank you for enlightening me.

Today I wanted to address your comments on the “What do you want to see more of on this blog?” and “What do you want to see less of on this blog?” questions. And since yesterday’s post was longer than the T second of the dictionary I thought I’d keep this one relatively short.

More, Please

Personal Stories
A lot of you mentioned you’d like to see more personal stories and day-to-day stuff. You know, I always fear boring you with the minutia of my life, but if you want to hear it, I’ll write it. It may not be in every post (because—and I’m not exaggerating—my life is boring) but I plan to add more daily musings here and there. I’ve also been thinking about adding more photos when it’s appropriate.

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Vlogs
It’s funny because I was just thinking about doing a vlog the other day. I won’t say when (that’s code for I haven’t decided what I want to blog about), but you can definitely look forward to this in the future.

He’s smiling inside. I couldn’t capture a candid smile and The Man’s phony smile is, um, phony.

The Man
Whoever said they want more of The Man is now his favorite. Before giving in to this request, I had a chat with The Man. It went like this:*

ME: Some people want to see more of you on my blog. Can I post about you more often?

THE MAN: Sure, I guess.

Pause.

THE MAN: If my fans demand me.

If his head blows up to the size of a watermelon, I’m blaming you.

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Writing, Recipes, Geekdom
There were a mix of random suggestions for more geekiness (well that’s easy), recipes (I have kind of fallen out of posting those since The Move), and posts about writing (which I will do, but for more frequent and in-depth posts, read my writing blog).

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Narrative Posts
One thing that shocked me was that you wanted more narrative posts. Every time I write those I assume I crash and burn (as we learned yesterday, posts with a lot of text aren’t often read). Of course I love writing like that, but do you love reading it?

In the spirit of making posts skimmable (coined that word) here’s what you can expect to see more of:

• My daily life (which is naturally geektastic)
• Personal stories
• Recipes
• The Man
• And maybe narrative posts, once I get feedback from you guys

Please Stop

I’ll address the comments one by one:

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Weekends off
Do you want me to look like this:

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Don’t you want me to relax and unplug from the Internet for two full days? And since I’m pretty sure my sister wrote this (she’s dropped the hint more than once—like when she sent me that email that said “please blog on weekends”) I’ll add: Don’t you want me to finish my book’s revisions so you can read it?

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Giveaways
This was interesting because a lot of you mentioned earlier in the survey that you liked giveaways. But I understand. When I do a giveaway that’s my post for the day (mainly because I don’t like writing giant posts) and if you’re not interested, it’s a bore. Or maybe whoever wrote this is bitter because I STILL HAVEN’T SENT OUT YOUR BUMPER STICKERS AND URBAN SOLSTICE’S POSTER.

Have I mentioned I’m sorry and still settling into this new place and really, really like you and promise to send them as soon as I find the box I put them in? Does this make up for it?

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I wish you didn’t hate cats
I understand that disliking cats is a major personality flaw, especially for cat lovers. I can’t go into the reasons I don’t like cats but I’ll give you a vague list of why:

I’m allergic.

I had a bad experience at a previous job that included cats climbing all over me and my desk.

I had to clean up a hairball at said job.

I’ve never worked at a pet store, veterinarian’s office, animal hospital, or animal shelter.

There are other reasons, but those are the basics. I’m sure you can do the math. Anyway, even though I don’t like cats doesn’t mean I don’t like people who like cats. And it doesn’t mean I don’t think kittens are cute. To show you that I’m not a cat-hating evil villain (though I should point out most evil villains have cats while heroes have dogs…) I give you this:

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Charlie Sheen
I’m over him. Charlie Sheen’s like so March.

Did I miss anything?

*I pinkie swear I’m not making this up.

Hi, friends.

Hope you all had a fantastic weekend. I’d tell you about mine but you’d either fall asleep or click away. The abridged version: writing, reading, and FLARING. You’ll not that flaring is in all caps. Here’s what happened:

ME: I really want to focus on my book this weekend. I have so much revising to do.

FEET:

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ME: I should be unpacking more, but this is the first weekend in a long time I’ve gotten to write a ton. I’ll just make myself work.

FEET, burning with the fury of a thousand fires: Now you can’t get out of bed if you wanted to.

ME:

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It was lovely. Wish you were here.

So, today’s post has been a long time coming. Remember when you filled out that fun survey? Well after much tabulation I have the results.

First: I’m going to mention the length of blog posts here and this is one of those Do As I Say, Not As I Do cases. This post is going to be long because I want to share all of the results with you. To keep things exciting, I’ve included completely unrelated photos to the post.

And now—

(Can someone drum their fingers on the table? Thanks.)

And now—the Unofficial What Do You Love and Hate About Blogs Survey results.

How did you find this blog?
Most people found my blog in the comments of another blog. If you have a new blog or want to increase your readership past your mother, comment on blogs like yours. Fact is, no matter how wonderful you are (and you’re quite wonderful, by the way) no one will know you’re there until you say, “Um, excuse me!”*

The second most common way people found my blog was through the Health Living Blogs site (which as of this writing is down, but word on the street is that they’re working on that). If you have a blog that focuses on health and lifestyle, add yourself to the site. It’s a great way to get your name out and meet other bloggers.

Finally, the remaining people found me through a mix of Twitter and Google. I’m not sure which search terms led them to my site, but judging from my Google Analytics page it was something like “how to eat Barbie” or “why duz he not call me.”

My answer: I’ve found most of the blogs I read one of three ways. 1. In the comments of another blog. 2. In the comments of my blog. 3. From another blog’s blogroll. No, you don’t have control over whose blogroll you end up on (unless you’re a hacker) but you can get your name out there by commenting.

How many blogs do you read regularly?
Most of you read between five and 10 blogs on a regular basis. The second largest group of readers follows over 20 blogs. A lesser portion follows between one and five, and the fewest people follow between 10 and 20.

My answer: More than 20. And by more than 20 I mean closer to 50.

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What types of blogs do you read?
No surprise here that most of my readers follow healthy living, fitness, food, and cooking blogs. But a lot of you mentioned unrelated topics. The bottom line: Your readers have other interests. If you do, don’t be afraid to mention them once in a while.

My answer: I mostly read healthy living blogs and writing blogs. Since those take up most of my time, I only read design blogs (which I love) sporadically.

What makes you keep reading a blog?
Here’s where things got tricky. (Note to self: Use yes or no questions on the next survey.) You all had different ideas of what makes a blog worth reading. Some of you said you liked when a blogger posted about the little, day-to-day things in her life. Others didn’t. Some like short posts. Others like long ones.

Still, there were a few things most of you agreed on. A blog should be well written and have some photos, humor, and variety. Many of you keep reading because the blogger comments on their blog. And a lot of you said you like instructional posts.

My answer: Good writing is a necessity—I don’t have time to wonder what a blogger is trying to say. I love humor in a blog, but it’s optional for me. I’m just as likely to read a humor-free blog if there’s a good variety to the posts. And I love how-to or instructional posts.

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What makes you stop reading a blog?
So I was working on the last question, tallying the votes and such, when I thought, “Wow, this is the toughest question.” And then I started reading these votes, after which time I stuck my head in a vice. Which is to say, you guys are all over the place when it comes to what you dislike about blogs.

You know, the whole thing is so subjective. No blog is going to be THE MOST AMAZING THING IN THE WORLD to everyone. (Well, maybe one. LINK TO PW) Some of you hate long posts, others hate short. Some leave when there aren’t enough photos, others leave when there are too many. Blogs that talk too much about their day-to-day lives lose readers just as blogs that don’t mention their daily lives enough do. A good number of you said you stop reading if the blogger doesn’t respond to comments or if the blog doesn’t teach anything.

There were some points repeated by most of you. When a blog is hard to read (because of font choice or background color), if music automatically plays, and if it’s cluttered, readers leave. Other things that make you stop reading: irregular posting, seeing the same photos over and over again, when a blogger is too negative, if there’s no variety to the posts, and when readers sense you’re promoting products or services while blogging.

My answer: One of the top reasons I stop reading a blog is because it’s stale. I don’t mind reading about a blogger’s breakfast, but I’m not interested in seeing 33 days of the same oatmeal with different toppings. I’m not a fan of repetitiveness in posts. Three photos of the same meal? I can deal. Ten of them? Kinda boring.

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Which of the following is most important to you as a blog reader?
Good writing won by a landslide, with regular posting coming in second. Instructional posts, being able to see the blogger, inspiration, short posts, mentions of the blogger’s personal life, and having lots of photos pulled up the rear.

My answer: Variety

How do you read your blogs?
This one kind of surprised me. I was sure Google Reader would kill the competition, but it turns out there was a tie. Of the majority of you, half read blogs in Google Reader and the other half have a much better memory than me and remember to visit each blog. Blogger’s reader came in third, followed by reading blogs off of a blogroll (yours or someone else’s) and referring to bookmarked pages.

My answer: Google Reader, which makes it so easy to get updates on your favorite blogs, star posts you love, and scroll through a bunch of posts at one time.

What would you like to see more of/less of on this blog?
So this one’s pretty much irrelevant when it comes to understanding your own blog readers, but I wanted to discuss the comments in better detail. (Also, this post is crazy long and I have it on good record that more than a few of you will leave me should I babble on any longer.)

So stay tuned for tomorrow’s post when I’ll tell you how I plan to apply your comments. For now I’ll just respond to one of you. Number 30, this is for you…

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And you thought I was done? Almost. I wanted to address the final question:

Two trains leave two different cities, heading toward each other. The first is going fast but the second is going wicked fast. When do they crash into each other?
The top two answers were “Never. Just because they’re heading toward each other doesn’t mean they’re on the same track, genius” and “Was there a dining car on one? I’m hungry.” So anyone in high school who inevitably finds that question on an exam, there’s your answer.

Staying on topic—without any multiple choice, sorry—what are some of your favorite and least favorite things about the blogs you read?

*But don’t really say that.