I Visited Orlando And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt?
photo by express monorail
Seriously, check out all of the photos on this Flickr page. Disney has never been so beautifully captured.
You guys had some great thoughts yesterday. If you missed it, check out the comments where everyone’s discussing the new show Huge and the line between body acceptance and health. I loved reading your thoughts.
So, as promised, my report on my trip to Orlando. Or, more appropriately:
I visited Orlando and all I got was this lousy T-shirt?
I’ll give you a disclaimer right away: The entire trip wasn’t horrible. I went for a scientific conference for work, and there were some great presentations—some of which I’ll talk about here next week. So, yeah, not all doom and gloom. But for today? Doom! Gloom!
That is, Four Things I Now Know About Orlando (But Wish I Didn’t) …
NUBMER ONE
Never take a cab. Unless you have door-to-door directions. Seriously. Cabbies do it differently in Orlando. For starters, they don’t know where complicated locations are—like Universal Studios. But also, they like to drive around for at least $12 before they tell you they’re so lost. It’s pretty awesome. So, here’s how it typically goes:
YOU, smiling at the sunny June day.
Hi! I’m going to the Hard Rock Hotel in Orlando.CAB
OK.YOU
Just want to make sure, but you know where that is, right? Just because this last cab I had got kind of lost. I don’t mind asking for directions on this beautiful day!CAB
Of course. Hard Rock Hotel.YOU, considering how great Orlando is.
Awesome! Great! Super!Fifteen minutes passes. CAB continues driving in the opposite direction.
YOU, remembering that your friend said the Hard Rock Hotel was only five minute drive.
So, where exactly is it?CAB
It’s not here? Where?YOU, smile fading from your face.
Um, I don’t know. You said you knew where it was.CAB
No, I don’t.YOU, lips pursed.
But you told me you did. And I said I would ask for directions…CAB sits silently.
YOU, frowning.
So you don’t know where it is?CAB
No.YOU, scowling.
But you told me you did?CAB takes out GPS unit and punches in the address.
I can look it up.Taxi meter jumps to $25 as YOU roll your eyes and search the cab’s windows for the company’s complaint line.
YOU, reddening with anger and pondering the horribleness that is Orlando.
I’m not paying. You told me you knew where you were going. Now we’re lost. You lied. I hate Orlando and I hate cabs who don’t know the city they service.Doom and gloom ensues.
NUMBER TWO
Order a room far from the frat house when you have to get up at 5 a.m. That’s a mistake I made. Because somehow I ended up with a room that adjoined either a frat house or a nightclub. I’m not sure which. I do know that there was much underage drinking going on, punctuated by deep and insightful thoughts like, Dude! Or Yo man, you’re awesome.
After a particularly rousing game of beer pong (yes I heard every detail of their goings on as I was attempting to sleep), a 16-year-old Plato philosophized thus: “That was the best thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” I’m sure it was, boys. I’m sure it was.
I thought about yelling that back at ’em at 5 a.m. while slamming the closet doors and throwing a glass at the inner door we shared. Then yelling, “How’dya like them apples?”
NUMBER THREE
Take heart, you’re not the only early riser. Apparently ever kid in America is up at 6 a.m. in Disney. And so are their overtired, poor parents. However, at least they get to tour the parks. Speaking of which…
NUMBER FOUR
Cry when your hotel is so close to Hogwarts you can feel the magic but too far to do anything but gaze lovingly. Not that I’m bitter. Seriously, just because I spent hours and hours each day in a conference center and not Universal, I’m not upset. Not at all.
So those are the highlights. I know, you’re jealous. I would be too if I were a 17-year-old girl who loved boys that sing to old-school Snoop Dogg and make random exclamations like Yes!!! every two minutes.
And now it’s time for me to detox. Eating out once in a while is fun, but doing it for every meal for five days? Not. So. Great. Don’t get me wrong, I had plenty of good food (so check out The Ravenous Pig and Wa if you’re ever in Orlando and can find a cab who knows where they are … ha!). But now my stomach hates me and is rebelling and aching and basically screaming at me for putting it through so many rich restaurant meals.
18 comments
Well, apparently Disney isn’t always the happiest place on Earth.
Business travel is SO glamorous isn’t it?
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Tracey Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 8:06 am
Yup, kind of ridiculously glamorous. I’m like Victoria Beckham in the airport.
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Hysterical!! That captures Otown perfectly. Kids up at 6, crank and little jerks by 2PM. If you aren’t cabbing it you are risking your life in a rental with all the other foreign drivers that thought it would be cute to get a fun American minivan.
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Gah! Ummmmm doesn’t sound like my kind of place, either
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haha–what a funny post! I went to Orlando once for a conference but we stayed at some golf resort and it was actually quite nice–never went to Disenyworld though!
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You are hilarious…thanks for the morning laughs!
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Ouch. That experience with the taxi driver sounds really just… rude. Ah well, I don’t really have very good impressions of taxi drivers in America… or anywhere, actually. That sounded rather prejudiced but a major part of them simply are not that bright. Jeesh.
Wei-Wei
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Hmm.. I’m not sure that that’s a place I want to visit any time soon. =)
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enjoyed this post.
still in awe that u went there…for your job.
hate u
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I hear you on the eating out for days straight. I always get so cranky!!
I LOL’ed at “Dude! Or Yo man, you’re awesome.” I flashed back to the Alpha Tau Omega frat parties at University Illinois for a second!
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OMG – so sorry, but dying of laughter too. My secret to making work travel easier:
1. Rent a car always, except in NYC, San Francisco or oversees. Even in pricey-parking cities it’s still so so worth it. It gives you license to wander, and really anything to avoid vinyl cab seats (and I’ve found that outside of NYC and SF lots of cabbies don’t know where things are).
2. Hotel: Earplugs, higher floor and “quiet room” requests and join every hotel member rewards program there is because often it will land you on “preferred guest” aka business traveler floors.
Please tell me you actually made it to Hogwarts?!
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Tracey Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 6:50 pm
No, no Hogwarts. I can’t even talk about it.
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Lol you are hilarious. But I’m still plannin to visit Disneyworld this winter…I might go through the same pain as you, but I’ll just take comfort in the arms of Mickey.
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sorry but this is hilarious! so sorry it was not great for you!
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I’m sorry to hear that your trip was less than ideal :/ But it did make for quite the hilarious post, haha!
I was at Disney in March, and the fireworks over the castle were absolutely unbelievable. I remember seeing them as a kid, but now that I’m older I appreciated the show so much more. Did you know that the music/narration they play during the show is in sync with the fireworks? It’s crazy!! And so, so cool.
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I totally enjoyed reading this post! Thank you so much for sharing!
I hope your t-shirt is super cute?
xxoo
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We lived in FL for years so I can completely picture all of this (and more) happening. I hope that you go back someday with a more “magical” experience!
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Oh no! That is so awful…I’ve never had an experience like that with the cabbies in Toronto. Sometimes there is a language barrier, and I worry that they don’t understand me, but they always seem to get me where I need to go. Remind me to rent a car if I ever go to Orlando..
As for the frat boys, I feel you on that…I live in an area that is very close to a university and surrounded by fraternity and sorority houses…and there are some noisy college kids living in my building. They have really loud parties and get drunk and make noise into the wee hours. No wonder I don’t sleep.
I’m sorry that Orlando wasn’t the most magical place in the world…Next time you go I think you deserve some Hogwarts action so that Orlando can make it up to you.
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