Just When You Thought You Knew Everything About Men…
Somewhere deep down in The Man, there is a vulnerable, sensitive guy. Science told me so.
Sometimes I’ll poke fun of a study because the researchers spent mullah to discover something incredibly obvious. (It’s genius, of course. Which is why I’m soliciting funding to determine whether water is healthier than Tang.)
Today, though, I’ll tell you about a study that shocked me. Nah, it didn’t find that steak cures headaches—though that’d be nice because I’m craving a steak right now and have a massive headache. (What else is new? My brain hates me and I’m considering that brainectomy idea.)
Anyhow, I read about a study today that found men are more affected by the ups and downs in a relationship than women are. Yeah, men.
Maybe you’re not shocked, but I stunned that guys benefit from the happy times—and feel the pain of the bad times—more than women.
Apparently after a big fight, while you’re stuffing your face into a pint of Chubby Hubby, your spouse is doing the same. Only probably not literally since guys don’t have that drown-your-feelings-in-sugar gene. But he’s mentally gorging his inner chick.
The researchers guess that women can better handle the relationship pits because they have strong relationships with friends and family. But guys don’t get all emotional with their pals, so if your relationship with them sours, so does their life. (Maybe that’s too dramatic, but I think it’s true.)
Anyhow, when life sucks, women call their girlfriends and vent for four hours straight. Guys grunt, tell their buddy chicks suck, then talk sports. So I can see why the whole relationship thing is so important for men. Even if they’d never, ever admit it. Ever.
Or, you know, guys are more sensitive than I give them credit for.
Does that surprise you? Could you ever in five gazillion years imagine that your husband or boyfriend would be feeling the hurt in your relationship more than you?
14 comments
This really, really surprises me. How do they measure this stuff anyway? Although…I have been in some relationships where a guy would be more hurt than me, but it’s usually not an equal/steady relationship.
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I’ve read somewhere that men don’t “express” or “feel” depression in the same symptoms that women do with our estrogenic tendencies. Instead, it takes the form of anger and substance abuse… Probably not as extreme as feeling hurt after a fight, but I think men are just more inclined to hide their feelings.
I don’t want to be stereotyping women or anything, though. I know plenty of “strong”, emotionally-independent women out there. (Come to think of it… do you know any weepy, womenish guys, though?)
Wei-Wei
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Seriously!?! They have feelings, too?! Who knew!
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I think I question a lot about guys. Hard to know anything really – sincerity and everything.
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i’m not too surprised by that actually. i think any kind of emotional thing can dent and bust up his ego. and you know guys and their egos…:)
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When we were first dating, I thought that my husband was kind of emotionally empty, only because he didn’t react with huge, dramatic emotions like I did. But now that I know him so well, I can clearly see the subtle changes in his mood or behavior that indicate his feelings. So I do think this study makes a good point -emotions certainly do exist even when they aren’t expressed the way we expect them to be.
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That would have surprised me before I married Keith. He is definitely more affected by our relationship (the good and the bad) than I am. I always thought it was because I tend to be very stoic and keep my emotions totally in check but not Keith. haha..now I have a study to back me up!
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I’m actually not that surprised. I think that they might hide it better at first (tough guy thing) but I believe it gets to them more for that reason. I hash it out with my best friend or my mom and I move on…not so with most guys I know.
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What?! Hmm, I am going to need the specifics on who they researched, haa. I think men do much better at cloaking their craziness.
Maybe there are closet “dancing in the mirror and singing” men too!
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I read about something like this in Cosmo once (oops…I just revealed my guilty little secret…I read Cosmo sometimes).
It isn’t that shocking to me and I actually find it very believable. The explanation makes sense. Men don’t show emotions to anyone- the only time it is acceptable for them to be somewhat emotional (according to “man code”) is when they are with their significant other…alone. Men are raised differently than women in our society…it is not considered socially acceptable for them to cry. And it isn’t considered “manly” for them to care when a woman hurts them. If you think about it, keeping all of that emotion locked inside for so long causes it to build up and just makes it worse. Men do hurt, and they just don’t show it as much. I’m not quite sure how you can measure whether men hurt more or less than women do, so I’m not sure how accurate that part of the study is, but I do believe that underneath all the bluster and BS, men are actually human. Who would’ve thought?
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When Ali and I have a fight I think he dwells on it more than me. I am more of a “let’s get it all out in the open so we can move on” kind of person but he wants to hash and rehash things…so I’m not really that surprised by this!!
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Interesting, and I agree with Lauren. So when my husband’s emotions are flat, maybe he is really an emotional basket case on the inside? Hummmmm…..I think most woman would like their man to show a little more emotion on the outside, yet still be strong and confident. Gotta be confusing for the men out there. I can see how they think it would be better to burry the emotion that risk being called a wimp.
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Whoa…shocking, yes. I could’ve sworn my husband (bf at the time) was heartless during fights. Nothing seemed to phase him. What a liar!
Re: Guys don’t have that drown-your-feelings-in-sugar gene. Eh. Mine does! Everyday!
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