Gaining Perspective
photo by d sharon pruitt
I was just about to start a post like this: I hate my knees. I hate my life. Wah.
OK, maybe it wasn’t going to be exactly like that, but you get the idea. Sometimes having a chronic injury sucks. And when the weather gets warmer it especially sucks. In winter, I was OK staying at home and doing nothing. The weather was too cold to leave the house anyway. Come spring? I want to get outside. I want to go for a walk in the park or window shop downtown. So, yeah, the whole knee-pain thing really gets to me and I start feeling bad for myself. But just as I was about to pour out virtual tears, I started thinking about June 2008.
June 2008 was my low point. My knees were in such pain, The Man would carry me from the couch to the kitchen in our 600-square-foot apartment. When The Man wasn’t home, I’d inch my way to the bathroom on the floor. Because making the 8-foot trip was too painful. I couldn’t brush my teeth standing up (thank goodness for long countertops). I’d get dressed sitting down. As soon as I got home from work, I’d pile four pillows under my feet and ice for an hour. I had to buy bigger jeans because my regular ones were too tight around my swollen knees.
Back in June 2008, The Man picked me up outside our apartment and dropped me off before parking the car—even though the parking space was a few feet away. (Good news: I became a pro at turning just about anything into a seat. Including but not limited to curbs, fire hydrants, a newspaper bin, and the floor. No shame, people.)
Looking back just two years, I see how far my knees have come. (You can read my entire, really long story here.)
1. I’m less swollen. I still wear those bigger pants and I can grab an inch around my knees. To think that they once filled the pants entirely! My knees still get inflamed and I still have Baker’s cysts behind them, but they’re not puffy and big like they were at the height of my injury.
2. I’m more independent. I can walk with The Man to and from our parking space. Sure, I still get dropped off if The Man is parking far away, but at home I can walk the 15 feet with him. I also brush my teeth standing up, a major life goal I was dying to check off my list.
3. I’m stronger. Back in ’08, I couldn’t bike for 5 minutes without pain, never mind 30 minutes with resistance. I think back to the physical therapy I did to build the muscles that had wasted away, and I know I’m stronger. Then, I’d lift my straight leg in the air and lower it for a count of 30. Now I do single-leg presses with 30-pound weights.
Full disclosure: I’m still not at my goal. I still can’t walk for longer than a few minutes without feeling pain in my knees. They still get hot and red when I’m standing for too long. I still hate them. (Sorry, had to slip that in. You know, let them know where we stand and all.) I’m still working toward goals—be able to do the grocery shopping instead of sending The Man, walk as far as I’d like without pain, and so on with the fantasies.
But at least I can look back and know I’m making progress, as painfully slow as it may be. And that’s a good thing.
The point of all of this rambling? To make me feel better. Remember, it’s all about me. Just kidding. The point is to remind you that sometimes putting a problem in perspective—even if it’s as significant a problem as the inability to walk without pain—can make you realize things aren’t as bad as you’re imagining.
Any problems you need perspective on? Can you think of a time you dealt with them and came out alive?
P.S. Check out my guest post at The Process of Healing.
21 comments
Not alive yet.
But I appreciate your story. You’ve been through a lot girl and are a tough cookie. Perspective is soooo important.
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Tracey Neithercott. Tracey Neithercott said: Happy Friday! New post: Gaining perspective on a sports injury http://bit.ly/cKfNnn [...]
Tracey , I want to give you a hug. Honestly, no one seems to understand when I tell them that I have done no real exercise for over a year…over a year. They think I am exaggerating, etc etc…and that hurts so much.
I almost began my blog post today with the same thing…I wanted to cry and cry about how i miss what i did…and cannot believe I have only been a walker the past year (u are a biker…that is WOW)…tears me up..i tried instead to make a lighter post…its difficult to be cherry when life is crap.
You have a tremendous positive perspective.
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Tracey Reply:
April 23rd, 2010 at 8:54 am
Empty Nut Jar– It’s so true: Sometimes it’s very difficult to be cheerful and positive. But, at least for me, my negative thoughts just breed more negativity and I end up feeling like crap. I think looking at the positive, as hard as it is, does help me from wallowing. Because I do like to wallow.
Also, I wouldn’t say I was a biker. That sounds so athletic. I use the stationary bike at the gym and can go for 30 min. without pain and only minor inflammation. I’d like to be a real biker, but right now my knees hate the random hills. I’ll have to talk to them about that.
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I’ll say again that i am so happy to have found your blog. It’s comforting to know you’re not the only one. I have had chronic hip and low back pain since my early 20’s. Over the past 10 years, I’ve had several “eppisodes” which required my husband lifting me for weeks because i couldnt bear my full weight on my own legs. Being an active person, sports girl, professional woman in charge of her own destiny, these times spinned me into low points and short term depressions. I recently saw a homeopatic doctor, who is teaching me that all of my joint and muscle pain is not physical and builds over time – these “episodes” don’t just appear out of the blue. Stress is carried in our joints, our muscles, and simply being able to relieve the mental “pressure” can relieve joint pain. Let me say again that I’m a sports girl. I like to work out HARD. Yoga and other “sleepy” workouts just dont do it for me. There are many other ways to relieve stress, different for everyone, and I’m slowly figuring out my own ways.
Anyway, I have a recommendation. I am not a doctor (and don’t play one on TV hahaha), but you should try Rhus Tox, 30c. You can get this at Whole Foods. It has helped me some (not totally) with joint pain and our conditions sound similar, so maybe it will help you too. Good luck – thinking of you and wishing you well.
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Tracey Reply:
April 23rd, 2010 at 9:09 am
Samantha–I’m really sorry you’re dealing with pain, too. I’m like you–I love to be active, so I feel extremely lazing taking it easy. Your point about stress is interesting. A few years ago, I may have brushed that off. But now it’s been so long I’m going to see if worse stress does make my knees worse. I know it does indirectly at least: I’m less likely to go to the gym when I’m stressed.
Thanks for the tip about Rhus Tox. I think I’ll try it (after googling it to make sure Tox isn’t short for toxic, which would be tragic).
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Keep going. I remember when I had my food operated and had to skip around. I missed all that free movement I previously took for granted big time and whenever I am to complain about something silly (like the size of my bum), I have to remind myself that I am healthy and lucky that I am that way.
It is great that you have come so far in those 2 years!
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I’m glad you’re still holding strong. It’s great that you are able to deal with this and still come on here everyday and make light of various topics and make me laugh. I definitely know what you mean about how warm weather makes everything worse. I’m not supposed to be running right now for some health reasons and at first this was really really difficult for me. But these kinds of things only make you stronger, and I can tell it’s really building you as a person.
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Wow…this hit home for me today. I needed to read this…I don’t want to get into why…but let’s just say that you touched me. Thank you.
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Tracey Reply:
April 23rd, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Kelly–So glad you connected to it.
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Tracey, oh Tracey. You are such a decent, kind, and inspiring person. Honestly, I read all the time about people thinking that life is just the pits and that it’s too hard to go on, but you really are facing a big struggle and you’re always always always bringing your sunny and positive (yet sarcastic and witty) attitude to this blog. I didn’t realize that it was this bad. Gosh, I didn’t mean that to come out as – “Geez, your life really sucks, huh?” I meant it to be “Wow, I can’t believe that after all that you’ve gone through, you still have such grace.” Such humility, grace, and wisdom.
This post really meant a lot to me. It’s a testament to what a great person you are. I always sense how much I’d like you if we were friends in “real life” and now I’m just more assured.
Thanks for sharing. And for giving us all perspective and gratitude for the things we take for granted every.single.day.
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Tracey Reply:
April 24th, 2010 at 10:37 am
Andrea–I think we’d be good friends in real life, too. And not just because I’d want to taste test all of your cupcakes.
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Thank you for this post. I really needed this, especially after these last few days. You’ve also showed me that although I have my own share of problems, there are things that I take for granted and I should be grateful for what I do have, and for the improvements I’ve made in my life, however small they may be.
You are courageous, strong, and so admirable.
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Tracey Reply:
April 24th, 2010 at 10:39 am
Lauren–I think it’s so important to look at the little steps we’ve made in life. No matter what we’re recovering from, it seems like a long, unattainable goal if you just consider where you are and where you want to be. It’s discouraging, unless you look at the small steps you make along the way. Those are the points where you rest and think, “So I’m not at my goal, but at least I’m moving forward. Whew.”
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Wow, I’m sorry to hear about all that, but you have an amazing attitude about it all! I have knee pain too… I injuired it about five years ago. I just had an MRI, and my doc said that it’s just arthritus. Wonder if I should go for a second opinion. I mean, I’m only 26… I hope you feel better every day!!
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Tracey Reply:
April 24th, 2010 at 10:42 am
Nicole–I’m so sorry to hear you have knee pain, too. It’s not a fun club to belong to. I don’t know your particular situation (whether you have RA or osteoarthritis), but I can say that if your knee hurts enough to impact how you live your life, then a second opinion couldn’t hurt. My first doctor told me there was nothing else I could do. At 26, I was not OK with living like an 80-year-old. It’s a matter of how much your arthritis affects your life. Good luck!!
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You are really strong. And I love the fact that you have pushed through and are healing. So impressive.
Thanks for the reminder that life is about perspective. We suffered a loss recently and that has given me new perspective on what is important in life.
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Tracey Reply:
April 24th, 2010 at 10:45 am
Diane–So sorry to hear about your loss. Those times really do make you change the way you think about things, though.
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HI Tracey – I’m sorry that I really had no idea what you’ve been through and continue to go through. Injuries are the worst but I need to be a bit more appreciative that I can stand and walk with no problem!
Don’t feel badly about venting, you deserve too. Plus, this is your blog so you should write about whatever you want, especially if it makes you feel better.
I’m glad you’ve made progress and I know you will continue to make more. I am crossing my fingers for you!!
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I gained perspective from this post, actually. You know about my recent health scare, and I have been throwing one serious pity party (which my husband wouldn’t join in on and made me even more mopey). But wow, your poor knees. You can wah all you want, that is not fun or conducive to many activities, exercise aside. I mean, I wouldn’t care about exercise, if grocery shopping were painful. Hang in there…progress has been made and that’s great!
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Tracey Reply:
April 26th, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Nicole–I think it’s OK to have a little pity party at first, but sometimes that can prevent us from doing the things we need to manage our condition. I think you’re still in the time frame where moping is OK. But a year from now, look back and see how you’re managing. Making progress, no matter how small, is a good thing. If only any of us–regardless of injury or illness–would notice it more often!
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