life: super powers not included

15 Funny Things My Gym Taught Me

Girl at gym
photo by steve & jenna copley

The gym’s a silly place if you really pay attention. Because Wednesday is nothing more than a reminder there are still two more days to the workweek, I thought some musings might make for an entertaining break:

1. Old women have confidence, but sometimes that’s not a good thing. Eighty-year-old fake-n-baked woman at my gym with strange stomach wrinkles who wears a white sports bra and old spandex, I’m looking at you.

2. Leg presses tone your butt. Just when you think you’ve pumped your quads into submission you feel a deep ache in the butt. Yup, the exercise works that bigtime.

3. If you plan on doing reverse crunches, yoga, or other twisty poses, loose shorts aren’t the best idea. Thirtysomething woman who wears short shorts (and, thankfully, underwear) to contort, I’m talking to you.

4. Vitamins, protein shakes, workout clothes, and water double in price when they enter a gym.

5. 7 pm is the worst time to hit the gym if you plan to use cardio equipment, free weights, weight machines, Bosu balls, exercise balls, the exercise mat…

6. Modesty isn’t always the word of the day in the locker room. That’s unfortunate.

7. People who chit chat on their cell while stair climbing don’t get the whole exercise thing.

8. Lots of times, men wimp out faster than women.

Arnold and friendsphoto by d_vdm

9. The more muscular the man, the more likely he is to check himself out in the mirror.

10. Wet machines aren’t always the result of sanitizing spray.

11. If you’re only going to wear a sports bar, make sure it isn’t pink and shaped like a push-up.

12. Some people are coordinated enough to dance while running. (Not me.)

13. Some people are rude enough to loudly laugh and point at dancing runners.

14. An hourlong TV show makes cardio fly by.

15. Irony rules. You can get your heart racing with cardio, pump yourself up with weights, get a protein-packed smoothie, buy a gazillion bottles of vitamins, get a massage and … hop in the tanning booth?

Do you have any funny gym tales?

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26 comments

1 Kelly @ Healthy Living With Kelly { 03.10.10 at 11:03 am }

That was cute and so true! My “favorite” is people talking on their cell phones while they walk on the treadmill…um…REALLY?!?!

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2 Jen { 03.10.10 at 11:19 am }

Love your observations! So true! We could also add the creepy guys who loiter by the cardio classes when they let out so they can watch the “parade” of women walk out.

Also – the woman who sings opera in the showers! We don’t need to hear that!

And the women who take up 4 spots on the bench when they change. SHARE the area!! Please…

Or, the weird lady who talks to herself when she’s changing. What’s up with that?

Oh my…I could add so many more….

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Tracey Reply:

Jen–I’m glad I don’t go to your gym! Thanks for your comment; those are great!

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3 Bria { 03.10.10 at 11:59 am }

My friends still haven’t let me live down the day the really cute trainer came to talk to me for 40 mins while I was on the treadmill…38 mins into my 40 min run.

After 2 months of flirting there was *no* way I was going to say “Ok, thanks for stopping by, but I’m done in 2 mins.”

Yeah, I may have ached for two days, but it was totally worth it :)

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Tracey Reply:

Bria–That’s hysterical, especially because every woman would have done the same thing. OK, maybe not me. I might have started walking instead. :)

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4 David { 03.10.10 at 12:24 pm }

I hate being next to a person on a treadmill who smells like they haven’t showered in weeks and were never introduced to deordorant. I know that most people will usually smell less than savory in a gym but I’m talking about the people that knock you back with the cloud of odor coming off of them.

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Tracey Reply:

David, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’ve left a machine only a few minutes in when the stench got too bad. It’s not so easy to hold your breath while biking. And it’s not worth the gag-inducing smell.

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5 Ameena { 03.10.10 at 1:49 pm }

Hi Tracey – how on earth did you read my mind? 75% of these things could have easily come out of my mouth!

I also get frustrated with people who leave the TV’s on after they get off their machines. Do they leave the TV’s on at home? Do they not care about wasting electricity? It drives me CRAZY!

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6 katie { 03.10.10 at 2:17 pm }

GIRL you are such an encouragement to me! thank you so so much for your wise and uplifting words..truly a blessing!

these are hilarious..leg presses really do firm your boootay!

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7 Dave, Elevation Fitness { 03.10.10 at 3:20 pm }

You nailed it! It seems that gym culture is the same no matter where you live.
From my own gym I have to add:
1) The guy at who, upon failing to complete all of his reps will throw, kick and yell at the dumbbells.
2) Girls who show up in full make-up, sweat a lot, and leave looking a little worse for wear.
3) The guys who cut the sleeves off of their T-shirts to the point where there is little left but a collar.

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Tracey Reply:

Dave–Double yes to No. 3!

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8 Samantha { 03.10.10 at 3:40 pm }

Just came across your blog and that is so funny! I just went to the gym monday night and I find myself passing time by just looking at all the people. I’m glad I didn’t see loose shorts but I saw tons of tight shorts creeping where they shouldn’t and girls thinking they look hot. Pulling the massive wedgie from front and back is not hot, so unroll your shorts! :)
Have a great day! Definitely adding you!

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Tracey Reply:

Samantha, So glad you found my blog! I get what you mean about tight shorts. Isn’t that just plain ol’ annoying for them?!

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9 Stef { 03.10.10 at 7:32 pm }

i love watching people watch themselves. is that 2 x the creep factor? guilty. ew old ladies are ALWAYS stickin their saggy boobs in my face in the locker room, i’m more than happy to get out of your way g-ma, please don’t come near me with those things!

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10 Andrea @ CanYouStayForDinner.com { 03.10.10 at 11:54 pm }

Hahahaha I loved this list so much! So true! My favorite- machines aren’t always wet from sanitizing spray. Now that one really gives me the heebie jeebies.
Sometimes I just stare at the gym for the whole duration of my workout. I’m that guy.

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11 theemptynutjar { 03.11.10 at 9:02 am }

I don’t have a gym or anything like that. But I like your observations!

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12 The Up Side — i'm (not) superhuman { 03.11.10 at 9:03 am }

[...] for all of your great comments on yesterday’s funny gym post. I’m thankful I don’t go to the same gym as some of you. Scary things [...]

13 charlotte { 03.11.10 at 11:04 am }

#4 is so true!! I have such a hard time watching TV on the tready though. It makes me nauseous. Which is such a bummer because that’s how all my friends get thru their long runs!

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14 uberVU - social comments { 03.11.10 at 1:01 pm }

Social comments and analytics for this post…

This post was mentioned on Twitter by notsuperhuman: New post! 15 funny things my gym taught me: http://bit.ly/dDwRfG…

15 Fit Chick in the City { 03.12.10 at 8:17 am }

Cute post! Obviously, I could write a book about funny gym moments. Love yours!

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16 Joanna Sutter (Fitness & Spice) { 03.12.10 at 8:49 am }

Love this post! I sweat with the oldies at my gym so there’s never a dull moment! ;-)

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17 I’ve Been Busy — i'm (not) superhuman { 10.13.10 at 8:14 am }

[...] March, I learned some hard facts about gym life (I’m still scarred by No. 10), had some cool/not cool things happen (including a really painful [...]

18 Matt { 03.02.11 at 12:33 pm }

thanks for the read it made me laugh. Kinda reminds me of that one site http://www.wtfgym.com funny gym humor

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Tracey Reply:

That site’s hilarious. Thank’s for the laugh!

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19 Erin { 03.14.11 at 6:34 pm }

My favorites are the people who:

1) Clog up the parking lot waiting 5 minutes for someone to pull out of that spot right by the door. God forbid they park more than 10 yards away from the front door of the gym. They might break a sweat getting to it.

2) Take the ELEVATOR up one flight of stairs to the cardio machines. I know most gyms don’t have an elevator inside them, but mine does for ADA reasons and I see people who are definitely not handicapped using it all the time.

Thanks for the post and the peeves!

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Tracey Reply:

Oh I hate the people who need to wait for a spot … and hold the rest of us up forever!

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