Here’s Where I Ask You to Diagnose The Man

photo by d_vdm
Yup, that’s The Man. I swear.

Happy Hump Day. I think all of these days off have spoiled me. Even though I was off work on Monday for the holiday, I still feel like the week should be rounding up right about now. At least we’re being spared another blizzard.

Instead of a real post, I wanted to use your collective brainpower to diagnose The Man. (Remember what I said about me using the Internet to play doctor? Yeah.) Anyhow, yesterday at the gym he did something goofy while bench pressing. He was fine during the moves. But the minute he stood up, pain in his chest-back-neck-shoulder area started radiating with intensity. He stopped lifting, but has been hurting ever since.

He’s not super specific when it comes to the pain—and I quote: “It’s like when you have a back spasm but into your neck and shoulders”—but this I do know:

1. It’s not centered around any one area, but it seems to have concentrated mostly in his neck and shoulders after a night’s sleep.
2. The pain isn’t stabbing.
3. The pain isn’t dull.
4. It’s not a heart attack—it feels like a muscle issue.
5. There’s no swelling, bruising, or other discolorations.
6. It doesn’t matter if he’s hunched over (shoulders rolled inward) or standing up straight. It hurts no matter what.
7. Laying down makes it feel better. Sitting or standing up makes it worse.
8. Sometimes he makes a squished-up face and says he can feel the pain in his Adam’s apple.

Anyone ever experience something like this? He’s taken a few Advil with Not Superhuman orders to repeat that throughout the day. (Um, did I mention I got my MD at Google University?) And yes he’s planning on visiting the doctor, but who knows how soon it’ll be. Most have been closed for a week thanks to Snowmageddon 2010 and are overflowing with patients.

We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow. In the meantime, thanks for the help!